Humans.
How can we describe them?
Flawed. Brave enough to face fear. Weak enough to fail daily. Vulnerable, easily broken, resilient. Having the capacity for fierce love, for scorn, for idiotic laughter, for searing joy through tears.
Humanity intrigues me.
* * *
She stormed out of room 22 with thunderclouds in her eyes.
“Who took his heat packs?!” She demanded. Her eyes roved across the nurses’ station & seized upon me. I shifted up from my charting and pulled out my best how-can-I-help-you face.
“Heat packs?” I probed. I had no idea who this woman was. 22 was not my patient.
"That's what I said! He had three heat packs, THREE, they were in his room half an hour ago, I just went downstairs to get a coke, and when I came back they were GONE." She glared at me.
Do I look like someone who routinely steals heat packs out of patients’ rooms?
"Oh, sorry," I ventured. "Were they the little red-and-white plastic ones? Those usually only stay warm for about 20 minutes... it's possible that someone might've thrown them away if they had gone cold."
“You don’t understand: the doctor gave them to us herself. HERSELF. This is totally unacceptable. I can’t believe someone took them. I won’t put up with this! THIS IS RIDICULOUS!!!”
“Who took his heat packs?!” She demanded. Her eyes roved across the nurses’ station & seized upon me. I shifted up from my charting and pulled out my best how-can-I-help-you face.
“Heat packs?” I probed. I had no idea who this woman was. 22 was not my patient.
"That's what I said! He had three heat packs, THREE, they were in his room half an hour ago, I just went downstairs to get a coke, and when I came back they were GONE." She glared at me.
Do I look like someone who routinely steals heat packs out of patients’ rooms?
"Oh, sorry," I ventured. "Were they the little red-and-white plastic ones? Those usually only stay warm for about 20 minutes... it's possible that someone might've thrown them away if they had gone cold."
“You don’t understand: the doctor gave them to us herself. HERSELF. This is totally unacceptable. I can’t believe someone took them. I won’t put up with this! THIS IS RIDICULOUS!!!”
It was quickly becoming a scene. A patient peeked out of a nearby room to see what the commotion was about. A quick assessment concluded that the woman before me was a smoker, near-sighted, likely had a history of substance abuse from her haggard face and iconic emaciated frame. Stringy hair trailed down from a ponytail. And right now, she looked ready to do murder over a disposable heat pack. I eased my voice to calm, apologetic tones.
“I’m sorry about the other heat packs, let me grab a few more and see if they’ll do the trick. Just a second.” I scooted into the supply room and returned with three of the offending item. She snatched them from me and whirled back towards the room. As a parting blow, she turned over her shoulder and shouted, “I’ve cared for him for 30 years. I AM NOT GOING TO LET HIM DIE.” The door slammed behind her and left me, stunned.
“I’m sorry about the other heat packs, let me grab a few more and see if they’ll do the trick. Just a second.” I scooted into the supply room and returned with three of the offending item. She snatched them from me and whirled back towards the room. As a parting blow, she turned over her shoulder and shouted, “I’ve cared for him for 30 years. I AM NOT GOING TO LET HIM DIE.” The door slammed behind her and left me, stunned.
* * *
I’ll be honest: I chose to go into healthcare mainly for the buzz. I love the rush of chest compressions, life-and-death stakes, being called upon to use knowledge and judgment under pressure, at a moment’s notice, with a human life in the balance. I’m amazed by the intricate design and resiliency of the body: the skill of science to manipulate and heal, and its immense shortcomings and inability to ultimately control outcomes. And frankly, I think people are interesting.
In small doses.
Are those good enough reasons? Would it frighten you to know that your nurse is driven by some kind of adrenaline addiction instead of Ghandi-like love for humanity? But it is more than that. I believe right down to my toes that every person is a reflection of their Creator, a soul wrapped up in flesh. There is a kind of reverent wonder in caring for an immortal being… even if it is dressed in a tattered black hoodie and smells of stale cigarette smoke.
* * *
The door to 22 opened slowly and the woman’s skinny frame slipped out. The fight was gone from her eyes. She leaned against the nurses’ station and shifted her weight a few times, tongue passing over her teeth. Hesitating.
“I don’t know how you guys do it, every day, here. Helping people. I couldn’t do it. I’m sorry I yelled. It’s just…” Her eyes were suddenly docile. Pleading. “He’s been my life-partner for 30 years. He’s everything.” I broke into a small, lop-sided smile. One of my real ones.
“It’s not a problem. Really. You’re under a lot of pressure. It’s rough, being in a hospital where things happen out of your control. I’m glad the heat packs helped.”
“It’s not a problem. Really. You’re under a lot of pressure. It’s rough, being in a hospital where things happen out of your control. I’m glad the heat packs helped.”
She smiled gratefully and turned back towards the room.
"There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations - these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub and exploit - immortal horrors or everlasting splendors." | C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory
yes. just yes.
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